yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
