Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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