return my video game
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
