I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My ass is underappreciated
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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