It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
