Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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