It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
