sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
