I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
