all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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