good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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