Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
