im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
