I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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