they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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