Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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