I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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