dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
