I am in a vortex of obligation.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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