So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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