Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
