Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
