if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Your penis caused this!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
