this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
