i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
