my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
