her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
