Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
