i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
