she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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