I cockslap morals
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just found a bag of teeth...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
