Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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