My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
