it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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