just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
