so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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