dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
