haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
