I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
cat food counts as protein by the way
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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