remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
