thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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