paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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