You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
