you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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