and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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