watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
