These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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