Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
