I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
