and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
